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Kittiechick4388
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Name: Sammie
Country: United States
State: New Jersey
Birthday: 4/3/1988
Gender: Female
Interests: Writing poetry- reading and writing vampire books-riding horses(sorta)-going to the ocean city boardwalk and causing trouble.
Expertise: I sell myself on the conor is philly on the weekends.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Legal
Message: message me
AIM:  kittiechick4388
AIM:  punkgirl69s
Member Since:
4/16/2004
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| I did my best to be good for you. I've worked on myself through the years to change and become a better person because i knew you wanted me to. I stopped all the things that could destroy the love that we built. No lying, no unrational reasons for break ups, no cheating, not even thinking of another, but then it came, the hurt that you kept out for all those years. And now i am lost without words, without any emotion but utter saddness. Not the kind of sadness that comes when you loose your favorite movie, or the kind that comes when your childhood blankie is thrown away. A sadness that leaves a hole so huge in your heart that you will never find anything to fill it, because that one was the only one big enough to fill the void in your life. the only one who could mend a broken heart with only a smile, stop tears with one embrace...and now i am left alone...alone in a world so big that i dont know if i can even face one day in it without you....but life moves on...and still my broken heart beats, but it beats with a giant hold in the middle since you left me, left me because you couldnt understand some small little thing...because you didnt understand, because we both have tempers....you left me...and here I am, to face a world of hurt and pain all alone..... | | |
| People in your life come and go all the time. People change, people grow, they move around and move on. But there are some people whom no matter how far away they get, or how much they grow, you can never forget them. Someone who has had such an impact on your life, that its made you a better person, a best friend, a partner in crime, a twin. Where no matter how much of a fool or how embarrassing that person acts, you dont try to hide saying "who is that" but you run to them and glomp them saying "thats right, crazy is with me!" and that is a relationship, a bond, that can never be broken. Arguments may happen, gauntlets can be thrown and words that can never be taken back can be said, but the love those two share can never die. Its not a love like you love you spouse, but a love that can only come from going through things in ones life where that person has made you better, made me better. A love and a bond that no matter how streched is still there. A bond that i fear to be breaking, or already broken, and its killing me inside.
I'm at that point in my life, where my pride got the better of me, (by pride i mean mouth) and my nonacceptance of change. The acceptance that you wont always be the center of someones attention, the acceptance that a commonality must be shared and another bond is forming needs to take place. Im broken inside because it took me so long to realize that I am not 7 anymore. Im an adult, and i need to start acting like an adult. I need to swallow my pride, shut my mouth and be happy for those who are happy. To see someone you share such a bond with happy, should mean the world to you, and you must never take that for granate. You must charish to laughs, the tears and everything that you've gone through together, because in one instant, in one phrase or one stupid slip of yourself, you can brake in a second what took years to build.
Its in that moment that you need to step outside of yourself and Gibbs smack yourself in the back of the head and realize what you just did, how stupid you were to do that, and how ashamed of youself you should feel. Its hard to admit when youre wrong, and i feel its even harder for me, but I was, and I am.
I can never take back things that i said, or the actions i have done, but what i can do is learn. Learn that with being an adult comes things we can not change, as well as change. We must stick with people we love as they make their decisions because as i said before others happiness is what truly matters. You must never loose that bond, and if you loose it, fight like hell to get it back, because nothing in your life that you do will have meaning unless you can tell that person. Youre happiness means nothing if you can not share it with the one you want to the most.
So here is what I say, as this realization hits me and i begin to cry at fear of what i might loose:
To You-Know-Who (No, not Lord Voldermort)
*swallows pride*
I was wrong. I wronged you and someone else. I betrayed a bond that very well might be broken, but i am older now, and i have learned. I have thought so much about you and the things weve been through, and the things ive done to tear that apart. You were right to do what you did, and i was wrong. Yes i will say it again, i was wrong. My life seems some what empty now without you. Yes i have a boyfriend, but there are things i share with you, that i could never share with him. You are my twin, my other half, the peanut butter to my jelly, the cheese to my macoronie, the Sunny D to my Vodka, and if you will atleast have me back as a friend, not even a twin, i want to fix this. Fuck bob the builder, this is me and you.
But i can honestly say, after the things ive done and the way ive acted, i would understand if you didnt take me back, but i can assure you, that if you do, things will change, things have changed, i have change.
I just wanted you to know
AND TO ANYONE ELSE READING THIS:
Keep those bonds alive, dont ever loose them, because when you do, you loose a peice of yourself with them, and it hurts worse than a heart ache, because it hurts your soul.
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| Sup yall! Sorry its been forever since ive written. i wouldnt have thought about it if my twin didnt mention it. So i bought a new car, its awesome. Saturn SC1 2001. Shes sexy. I have a new job, im a telemarketer. Im still with the fire dept. and im single. outwordly things have been going great. Ive made a bunch of new friends, got a job, a new car, fire depts going well. But inwardly, not so much. Ive been struggling with a lot of things and some of it is eating away at my heart. Being single is fun i can not deny that, but my heart is set on someone i cant have. I knew all along that i couldnt have him, but i ignored the feelings and let my mind take over my heart. Now i feel broken bc its such a reality that i will never have him. Also ive been trying to make myself a better Christian, but even that is hard. I know i can not be perfect, christians arent perfect just forgiven, its still just had for me. I wish i didnt struggle inwardly like i do. I try to fight to stupid mortal mistakes i make, but alas i am only a mortal and can not avoid them, and it kills me everytime. O well, i can just pray that God can get me threw this. I promise my next post will be happier. <3 Sammie ~There was once a little girl who never knew love until a boy broke her heart~ | | |
| Its been forever since ive posted. College as been mad ass busy! College AND trying to keep a social life.
Speakin of social life... Lenny and i broke up. It just wasn't working for either of us so we decided to call it off. We still have our friendship though which means a lot to me. Anyways, im hoping that this weekend, particularly Friday,ur because i just remembered i have a sorority charity event saturday morning, but i might be late to it lol. i really wanna hang out with the guys, and if i leave there at 11 then i will be home by noon and then i can work the thingy. lol.
Greek formal is coming up. Justin is my "date". lol Its funny because he is my twin. But im glad he is going because i know that i will have a good time with him, because he and i cause all kinds of trouble lol. YAY!
The boys came over last friday, that was fun. Nick and i were lying in my bed holdin hands. It was nice, it just stinks that i know 1) hes movin to FL and 2) he doesnt like me like that ne more, were just married. lol.
So yeah i have to work through that....AND....my friend Josh. Josh and I went to school together until high school when i went to tech. He went to OCIS, the only time i saw him was at work and i didnt work their long. He and i crushed on eachother in elementary school and nothing happened. Now i found him again and i am talking to him a lot and he is really awesome! Just like i remember him, only older, and cuter lol. But he doesnt like me like that, so he says, but he calls me pretty and beautiful and all that, i know he doesnt want a girl friend right now, but it sux having him flirt with ya lol. Sometimes love lives are butt heads!
As far as school...busy busy busy presentations, debates, papers, finals, practices. Its very stressful. I really hope i can go to the guys this weekend. I really need a break from it all!!
Oh well im outtie!
<3 Sammie
~Oh it wont rain all the time, the sky wont fall forever, and though the night seems long your tears wont fall, you tears wont fall, your tears wont fall forever~
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| hey its been a really long time since ive blogged...oh well. Somethings have changed, others havent. I am dating lenny now. im happy he makes me really happy. the play went really well, justin came up thrusday, luckily he forgot the camera in the truck which made me happy. my mom did take some random pictures tho which made me angry. grrrr right now i am chillin at janes, havent really been at my house since i got on spring break. lol. friday nite i was home for 20 mins before i left and went to janes house and stayed the night not going home until 8pm saturday. then i went to bed round 12 got up at 8 adn went with kayla to go see my brother in jail. hes doing alright getting ready to be transfered to prison, but i am going to see what i can do to drop that and bring him home. well i got home around 12 or so then ate lunch and took about an hour nap in the cahir bc i fell asleep watching the tv. lol. then when i got up i called jane and left the house. the only time ive really been home was to sleep lol. other than that ive been awake at hoem for about an hour at most. lol its funny it feels really good to be home and be with my boyfriend but i also miss my friends from school too. and i miss talking to my twin and nick bc im not online that much at home bc i dont have wireless except wehn i steal it from the neighbors and that dont awlays work. lol. well i am ending this so i can go watch a movie with jane. i will ttyl <3 Sammie ~to her own reflection she said "I will be strong". | | |
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